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WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange has been a refugee in the Embassy of Ecuador in London for 5 years. The country is looking for ways to change this.

Turning of the heating, water leaks, loud music, or putting a blaring baby in the guest room: we all have our own favorite way to get rid of unwanted guests. As the international press has just reported, Julian Assange is becoming a bit of a nuisance. How can Perdí Miscanicas, the current Ecuadorian Ambassador to London be helped? Should he…

  • Pack everything into cardboard boxes, and move the embassy to a new building, without telling Julian Assange?
  • It is no secret that Julian Assange loves frozen yoghurt. Julian will come running out of the building if a dairy van parks in front of the embassy and starts advertising a new flavor, for instance strawberry, vanilla, chia and goji berry.
  • Change the diet of all embassy personnel to include copious amounts of onions, beans, cabbage and other flatulent foodstuffs, naturally topped with garlic, at the same time closing all the windows.

I continuously confuse Julian Assange with Nigel Farrage (in fact, the former was visited by the British Donald not too long ago), and initially I thought this was because of the (slight) similarity in their names. But now I know that it is the dystopian gleam in their eyes that causes my nomenclature confusion.

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